Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Eagle Has Landed

My Bed
8:15 pm on Sunday eve October 21st

When Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, his famous words… 
“Houston, the Eagle has landed, ” described his mission objective… a fait accompli…
Just 4 hours ago, I felt as if I, the eagle had landed as I entered our home with my husband after 5 days away sans kids in Southern Italy.
Only I seem to have quickly resumed flight upon landing. My feet obviously were not planted firmly on the ground.
I am currently cross-eyed and cross-legged sitting on my bed, fighting the need to sleep. I need to purge the thoughts flooding my brain before the slumber shall come… I recall the last few hours following our homecoming.
Before the car was even at a standstill, our girls were running out the front door bursting with excitement, welcoming us home with kisses, never ending embraces, and banners they had made.
Ahhh… Home…
After about an hour of the blissful reunion… came the reality check.
No time to decompress or readjust my sensory overload button.
The last few days were spent in a little slice of heaven… a remote, quite, splendid in its simplicity destination. Truly one of the most enchanting, esthetically pleasing places I have ever visited.
Not to mention, 5 days of no whining, needing, fighting, pleading.  No, “Mommyyyyyyyyy…”
How can it already seem so long ago? I reminded myself of the serenity I experienced only 24 hours prior. I meditated for a brief moment to get back there.
However, mommy mayhem at its finest jolted me back into reality. Three little girls clambering for my attention…all wanted individual time… everyone needed mommy… and any attempt I made, pleased no one.
“I’m hungry… we have nothing yummy in this house!” 
“I need help with my project for school due tomorrow…” 
“Earth to Mommy…Hello Mommy…you are not paying attention to me…”
My jet lagged brain, body & being could not take it.
I lost it.
I yelled.
My 8 year old looked at me and said, “If you ever want to know where I learned to yell… That’s it!”
Her words pierced my heart and stopped me in my tracks… I was motionless… speechless… 
I had never wanted a rewind button so badly in my life.
Here I was just back from a spectacular 5 days of fun, friends and freedom and this is how I behave.
Mama needs a timeout! 
I felt awful.
I have given myself a break many times after endless hours straight with the girls and blowing a fuse. But this was an hour after 5 days in paradise.
My fuses are obviously short.
I apologized… explained I was tired and jet lagged, had been in planes, trains & automobiles for 24 hours and Mommy needed a recharge.
My 8-year-old stormed out of the room, as one of my 5 year olds came in and said to me, “Mommy you should go to sleep. I will clean the kitchen and put myself to bed.”
The pierce in my heart stabbed deeper.
I heard the words of George Bernard Shaw as if on a loud speaker inside my brain, overtaking my own voices of what a terrible mother I was.
 “Life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.”
My 8 year old reappeared to find me sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen. 
She said nothing… She sat down in my lap and hugged me… Exactly the recharge I needed.
I gathered my disassembled being and helped the 5 year old who was washing dishes at the sink… she smiled and said…
“Welcome home Mommy!”
Now… The eagle has landed! At least for the next 8 hours of sleep…