February 28, 2014
Studio City, CA
Finally the rain has come... all I want to do is
light a fire, curl up with a book and hide a way.
Not my reality... breakfast... lunches... kids to
school... work... life... READY SET GO...
So not in the mood!
I begrudgingly pulled myself out of bed and
somehow reached the coffee maker. I heard my phone ringing and ringing and
ringing... REALLY... it was only 6:45am.
I answered and like most of the things that I
don't want to do it turned out to be the thing I needed most.
After 5 minutes hearing out a friend in need, I
quickly threw my reality back into perspective. As we were saying goodbye
she thanked me for sharing my words and how a post I had written over a
year ago entitled Sharks & Minnows got her out of bed today.
I needed help getting out of bed today... and I
have no time to write so I oblige my friend and share again with you...
Sharks and Minnows
I am, as I write, happily in a reclined position,
poolside, watching my girls play sharks and minnows in the pool.
Notwithstanding the joyful embrace of the above,
equilibrium is off… I feel out of sorts…
Is mercury in retrograde?
The air is heavy, it’s so hot and the energy
seems to be sucked away by the heat.
The past week has held a myriad of mishaps from
my car getting plowed into to misc. missed appointments and meetings that
mysteriously were evaporated from my calendar to juggling the trials and
tribulations of navigating kindergarten with twins and their first week of
school.
And I ask myself, “Why am I so exhausted?”
How is summer over already? “Time flies” is an
understatement.
A week and a half ago I was in the middle of the
Pacific Ocean, approximately 130 nautical miles from Ensenada in Guadalupe
Island. It is referred to as “the western frontier of Mexico” and is a 7
million year old volcanic island that sprang from the ocean’s floor.
I was off the grid… on a boat with 20 people… the
only other being’s I saw for 5 days were Blue Whales, Elephant Seals, and Great
Whites… Oh My!
Today, 10 days later, here I am poolside watching
my 3 girls playing Sharks and Minnows of all things…how ironic.
I laugh to myself as I recall my emotional voyage
out to sea, curled up in the fetal position, crying to my husband. I was sea
sick, hating the boat and the claustrophobic room. I was feeling irresponsible
and a terrible parent for leaving our 3 girls at home while we swam with Great
White Sharks… unreachable for 5 days. Really?
I am back in the moment as my girl’s laughter
attracts my attention. “Sharky, Sharky come out and play.”
They splash in the pool as my eight year old, the
Shark chases her two little sisters, the minnows.
I think back to my real world sea world adventure
that already seems so long ago. It truly was one of the most amazing
experiences ever. After I got over the first night and awoke to the
beautiful sunrise, the rest was a “Bucket List Item.”
Life Changing!
I was captivated by the daily show; with the
beach as their stage, the seal pups play in the tide pools. The elephant seals
leave their babies at 2 weeks of age. They must fend for themselves thereafter,
14 days old and they must learn to swim, find food… all of it… on their own.
How do those mama seals do it? I can barely
hold back the tears as I break away from the clinging arms wrapped like a
straight jacket around me when it’s time to say goodbye to my 5-year-old twins
in their separate kindergarten classrooms. Hang on loosely I tell myself…
always.
Emotions have run wild this past week, excitement
and anticipation about kindergarten. All of us parents feeling the same, going
through the same anxiety and influx of new beginnings that our children are
navigating.
Two weeks ago while I cried to my husband,
Michael, on the boat, he reminded me that he fell in love with my sense of
adventure. He reminded me that I tell my kids daily to live everyday as an
adventure. Yet there I was filled with fear, not wanting to go, feeling as if I
had made a terrible choice by leaving them at home.
Visions and headlines filled my head with “WIFE
OF WHITE MIKE EATEN ALIVE BY A GREAT WHITE!”
Didn’t happen… I am here alive and well.
I think of my little girls… they have been
feeling much of the same… swimming in their own school of sharks. They
are having great new adventures although it is unfamiliar and may be scary and
amazing all at the same time.
It is all a matter of perception.
Just like The Great Whites. The reality is,
folklore aside, those strong, beautiful, majestic creatures, are not interested
in us. Humans are a threat to them and the reason they are nearly
extinct. In fact, Sharks are such a great example of people’s perception being
fed by fear and how it imposes on the greater good. It all feels intimidating,
until you get right up close and experience the reality; it is not at all as it
seems.
One of the greatest parts of my shark adventure
was that I was ignited with a sense of wonderment, as if I were a child again.
It was a time of firsts… Remember what it is like
the first time you taste, see, feel, or experience something.
Not only was it the first time I had gone diving
with sharks. It was the first time I have ever been so far away from my kids.
No phones, no Internet, no nothing.
Being so out of reach freaked me out. But that’s
just it; anything can happen, anywhere, at any given moment (by recent example,
car crashing into me). Being a control freak this continues to be a very
difficult concept for me to grasp. My morning mantra “let go of all fear and
open to trust. “
I am again brought back into the moment as my
girls stand over me, getting everything wet.
“Mommy want to hear the Rose and the Thorn from
our first week of school?” asks my 8 year old.
They all talk over one another and raise their
hands to go first. The noise reminds me of the seal pups barking in
Guadalupe.
My 8 year old, “ The thorn is that I am not with
my BFF! The Rose is we play at recess.”
I smile, she’s learning.
My 5 year old, “ The Rose was when you picked me
up. The Thorn when you left me. I missed you so much.”
I feel a familiar pang in my heart.
My other 5 year old, “ The Rose was it was a
boy’s birthday and we ate cupcakes. The Thorn was I couldn’t have two.”
They are all laughing and happy and I realize
this is their journey. I cannot protect them and make their new adventure all
nice and cozy. They will experience all in their individual way. And as
much as I want to be there for every minute, I won’t be. Whether swimming with
sharks in the sea or at a meeting, I am on my adventure and they are on
theirs.
I remind myself that when we all live life to its
fullest and have daily adventures, we have great stories to share at
dinnertime.
